I miss vodka workout Fridays
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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