I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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