highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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