guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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