WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
