I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
