How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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