I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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