I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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