Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
