a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
