you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
