So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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