Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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