im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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