Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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