Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
