can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
