she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
