Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
foreskin is a definite game changer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
