remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
