Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
