I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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