my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
