Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
