go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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