You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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