I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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