so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
