you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
