i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
