So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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