If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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