I've blown a few things in my day
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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