I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
