you would pick up someone in the library
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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