so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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