Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize