Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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