i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
