Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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