guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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