Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
