I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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