Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
