I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
