did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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