Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
