My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
