Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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