I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
