Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
