If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We need to get me chipped asap
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
