yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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