There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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