That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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