just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
