you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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