he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
